What a difference my teeth make!
Top 5, last time I brushed:
1. ‘I Like Ike’ buttons taught to French kiss
2. Stew that’s all, like, salty for the wrong reasons, know what I’m sayin’?
3. The overlap of concentric circles representing the Franklin Mint and armpit odor
4. Porcelain counter tops that amplify electronic flatulence
5. Middle management techniques that include saying “Wonka wonka wonka” while swallowing junior mints
Top 5, week of, 2010:
1. Overheard in 1958: “That right fielder of the Tigers looks like he’d have some mighty dee-lish spleen juice!”
2. Mountain bikers who wipe their bums with liquid nails
3. Links pertaining to, but not directly referencing, pepper-stained ovaries
4. Seaside gentlemen who seem exceedingly sensitive about their whiskey-scented urine
5. Final French fish that isn’t a rock reference?
Showing posts with label rankings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rankings. Show all posts
01 June 2010
19 April 2010
Ranking Nothing in Particular
What a difference Lincoln’s Trombone makes!
Top 5, week of June 6, 2007:
1. The juicer that may or may not be attached to Al Kaline’s spleen
2. Guys who say “Been a business doin’ pleasure with ya’” just before they vomit on your necktie
3. Those booger-like things you sometimes find in your eyes
4. “More bedrock, Flight Commander?”
5. Primal scream therapy that sounds suspiciously like frat house hooting
Top 5, week of April 19, 2010:
1. Al Kaline’s spleen juice
2. Mopeds divorced from Nick Saban’s outhouse vantage point
3. Guys whose nose hairs remind you of tall guys with poor posture
4. Sexual positions recommended by Ruth Bader Ginsburg
5. French final fish—what once was thought to be…etc.
Top 5, week of June 6, 2007:
1. The juicer that may or may not be attached to Al Kaline’s spleen
2. Guys who say “Been a business doin’ pleasure with ya’” just before they vomit on your necktie
3. Those booger-like things you sometimes find in your eyes
4. “More bedrock, Flight Commander?”
5. Primal scream therapy that sounds suspiciously like frat house hooting
Top 5, week of April 19, 2010:
1. Al Kaline’s spleen juice
2. Mopeds divorced from Nick Saban’s outhouse vantage point
3. Guys whose nose hairs remind you of tall guys with poor posture
4. Sexual positions recommended by Ruth Bader Ginsburg
5. French final fish—what once was thought to be…etc.
21 September 2009
4 x 4
People who should have been trombonists:
1. Niel Loebig
2. Stretch Marks O’Malley
3. Martin Van Buren
4. Martin Van Eat me
Unused names for racehorses:
1. Bloody Diarrhea
2. Smegmatozoan
3. The Scar on my Shaft
4. Whiz Pickle
Concepts severely divorced from cellophane:
1. Hitting behind the dyspeptic runner
2. Old Fashioned Dung Meters and the carbon dating they elucidate
3. Batting cage larks that become dirty entendres
4. Marinated centipedes in a race designed for multiple births
Nothing in particular:
1. Juicy Kaline spleen
2. Programmatic flesh tone (“Eh, Bobby?”)
3. Presidential firmaments housed in Clark Kellogg’s bath water
4. The frankness with which Tina Yothers impersonators relish their own taints
1. Niel Loebig
2. Stretch Marks O’Malley
3. Martin Van Buren
4. Martin Van Eat me
Unused names for racehorses:
1. Bloody Diarrhea
2. Smegmatozoan
3. The Scar on my Shaft
4. Whiz Pickle
Concepts severely divorced from cellophane:
1. Hitting behind the dyspeptic runner
2. Old Fashioned Dung Meters and the carbon dating they elucidate
3. Batting cage larks that become dirty entendres
4. Marinated centipedes in a race designed for multiple births
Nothing in particular:
1. Juicy Kaline spleen
2. Programmatic flesh tone (“Eh, Bobby?”)
3. Presidential firmaments housed in Clark Kellogg’s bath water
4. The frankness with which Tina Yothers impersonators relish their own taints
01 June 2009
Ranking Nothing in Particular
What a difference cell topography makes!
Top 5, June 1, 2009:
1. The spleen beat of the Kaline tympani
2. Poetic references to Turkish sausage production
3. Pillsbury roadkill at a Ghanaian wake
4. Data that do what they should (yes, I said do!)
5. My name is Mephistopheles but you can call me “Sugar Tits”
Top 5 prior to Jennifer Biel’s last BM:
1. Stegosaurus dreams and the resulting mixed fruit pies
2. Black market vinyl atop motorcade tribute bands
3. Crotch grabbing rubberneckers in the heat of fluoridation
4. Pamplona “Eat me’s” during playoff years
5. Whatever it is that keeps sliding into Rafa Nadal’s butt crack before he serves
Top 5, June 1, 2009:
1. The spleen beat of the Kaline tympani
2. Poetic references to Turkish sausage production
3. Pillsbury roadkill at a Ghanaian wake
4. Data that do what they should (yes, I said do!)
5. My name is Mephistopheles but you can call me “Sugar Tits”
Top 5 prior to Jennifer Biel’s last BM:
1. Stegosaurus dreams and the resulting mixed fruit pies
2. Black market vinyl atop motorcade tribute bands
3. Crotch grabbing rubberneckers in the heat of fluoridation
4. Pamplona “Eat me’s” during playoff years
5. Whatever it is that keeps sliding into Rafa Nadal’s butt crack before he serves
10 April 2009
3 x 3
Places I’ve never been
1. Flat Top, WV
2. The set of “The Kallikaks”
3. Salvador Dali’s arcuate fasciculus
Concepts divorced from baseball
1. Neighborhood association presidents who dress their wieners in Barbie clothes
2. Deviled street urchins
3. An Elizabethan beach squat
Nothing in particular
1. The use of condiment metaphors to accentuate sex tapes
2. “More corn turds, your Excellency?”
3. Valedictorians who display spit stalactites every time they mimic Nat King Cole
1. Flat Top, WV
2. The set of “The Kallikaks”
3. Salvador Dali’s arcuate fasciculus
Concepts divorced from baseball
1. Neighborhood association presidents who dress their wieners in Barbie clothes
2. Deviled street urchins
3. An Elizabethan beach squat
Nothing in particular
1. The use of condiment metaphors to accentuate sex tapes
2. “More corn turds, your Excellency?”
3. Valedictorians who display spit stalactites every time they mimic Nat King Cole
11 November 2008
Ranking Nothing in Particular
What a difference turnip odors make!
Top 5, November 11, 2008:
1. Eau de Kaline Spleen toilet water
2. Lost Medusian cuss words
3. The cheese decaying under Orson Welles’ love handles
4. Bread tribute groups undergoing male-to-female surgical procedures in lost solar systems
5. Going to battle with Digger Phelps’ nose hairs
Top 5 if my hand-held maguppy-meter read only D’s:
1. Holding an Anabaptist’s garden hose in provocative positions
2. Liz Taylor’s wrinkly-ass uvula
3. Reincarnated images of 13th century cleavage
4. “All my short stories involve popping zits, Professor.”
5. Uriah Heep LPs encrusted in cockapoo boogers
Top 5, November 11, 2008:
1. Eau de Kaline Spleen toilet water
2. Lost Medusian cuss words
3. The cheese decaying under Orson Welles’ love handles
4. Bread tribute groups undergoing male-to-female surgical procedures in lost solar systems
5. Going to battle with Digger Phelps’ nose hairs
Top 5 if my hand-held maguppy-meter read only D’s:
1. Holding an Anabaptist’s garden hose in provocative positions
2. Liz Taylor’s wrinkly-ass uvula
3. Reincarnated images of 13th century cleavage
4. “All my short stories involve popping zits, Professor.”
5. Uriah Heep LPs encrusted in cockapoo boogers
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