Chip & Dale: I know most consider them heavyweights, but consider the following scenario. You’re waiting in line to get your picture taken with Mickey or Minnie. The rodent in question goes on break and these useless twins show up to take his or her place. Listen and you will hear all ages, races, creeds, and nationalities come together as one—to groan their misfortune.
Winnie the Poo: This is a sad one, given that Winnie was once the headliner of his own little band of animated dullards. When he went up to the big leagues however, he found he was no Mickey. Hell, he isn’t even Donald.
Aladdin: Dude looks like a lady. OK, some do. But why accentuate it by dressing like a belly dancer?
Oliver & Company: It’s tempting to compare them to comets flashing across the ‘80’s sky, but given the dullness and swiftness of their popularity, they were actually more like cap guns.
Christopher Robbin: Never a biggie, but since coming over to Disney, this twit has even lost his supporting role to some forgettable chick whose name I don’t feel like looking up.
Pluto: As a Disney dog, his only competition is that certifiable idiot Goofy. And yet, because he was not granted the gift of speech, Pluto’s the one who sleeps outdoors.
Woody: He was the star of the original movie, not Buzz Lightyear. But his former backup has since left him in the sawdust. At least he knows how Thurman Thomas feels.
Gaston: In Disney flicks, the handsome dude always gets the girl, right? Not this clown. Even his right hand would have likely chosen that horned gorilla thing that ended up nailing Belle.
Tigger: This obnoxion fared best among the former Pooh characters; he has risen to the level of Winnie. As noted above, however, this makes him purely second division.
01 September 2008
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