The mighty Fins barely avoided an upset in the semis. Determined to up their intensity, they come out firing in the final. Big Red weathers the initial storm, but just barely, carrying a sizable deficit into the second period. At that juncture, however, Big Mo changes jerseys and Secretariat actually takes the lead just before the half. Miami attempts a trick play as time runs out, but they quickly realize that they’ve never been up against a defense as smart as this. Bailed out by yet another favorable call, however, the Dolphins score off an error and manage a halftime tie.
The Fins begin the second half with trash talk and posturing. Secretariat goes up by 10. Miami tries some deception. Secretariat by 20. The Dolphins get back to basics. Secretariat by 30. Miami gives up. At this point, oddly, the gap closes as Big Red takes pity on his undermanned opponent. Red then clowns his way through the final period, juggling and break dancing instead of playing. Mercifully for Miami, the spectators, and the record-setting TV audience, time runs out on yet another easy Secretariat win.
29 April 2010
24 April 2010
19 April 2010
Ranking Nothing in Particular
What a difference Lincoln’s Trombone makes!
Top 5, week of June 6, 2007:
1. The juicer that may or may not be attached to Al Kaline’s spleen
2. Guys who say “Been a business doin’ pleasure with ya’” just before they vomit on your necktie
3. Those booger-like things you sometimes find in your eyes
4. “More bedrock, Flight Commander?”
5. Primal scream therapy that sounds suspiciously like frat house hooting
Top 5, week of April 19, 2010:
1. Al Kaline’s spleen juice
2. Mopeds divorced from Nick Saban’s outhouse vantage point
3. Guys whose nose hairs remind you of tall guys with poor posture
4. Sexual positions recommended by Ruth Bader Ginsburg
5. French final fish—what once was thought to be…etc.
Top 5, week of June 6, 2007:
1. The juicer that may or may not be attached to Al Kaline’s spleen
2. Guys who say “Been a business doin’ pleasure with ya’” just before they vomit on your necktie
3. Those booger-like things you sometimes find in your eyes
4. “More bedrock, Flight Commander?”
5. Primal scream therapy that sounds suspiciously like frat house hooting
Top 5, week of April 19, 2010:
1. Al Kaline’s spleen juice
2. Mopeds divorced from Nick Saban’s outhouse vantage point
3. Guys whose nose hairs remind you of tall guys with poor posture
4. Sexual positions recommended by Ruth Bader Ginsburg
5. French final fish—what once was thought to be…etc.
17 April 2010
WTF! Saturday
Guess we never thought about asking the Saviour of the Universe "How's it hangin'?"....
15 April 2010
14 April 2010
Rejected Tax Deductions
1. Weight gain therapy for consuming food while watching the commercials during the Biggest Loser.
2. Tuition to the Erik Estrada dramatic acting school.
3. Losses incurred from the treatment of sexual disease given to you by your cousin (or cousin's farm animal - Arkansas only...)
4. Spit valve reconstruction therapy using any method other than Loebig/Muncy.
5. Removal of Al Kaline's spleen
6. Any deduction for adding 'in bed' to the end of a sentence. (will be criminally prosecuted)
7. Claims for lost work time due to re-enacting Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (unless prescribed by a physician)
8. Social hick talking lessons
11 April 2010
WTF! Saturday Special Sunday Edition...
I'm going to Thailand before they outlaw this noble sport....
10 April 2010
08 April 2010
Speaking of Golf...
If you're ever close to the green and can't remember which clubs to take out of the bag, we at LT have composed a song to help you remember (to the tune of Sinatra's whatever-the-hell-that-song-is-called):
Wedge and putter,
Wedge and putter,
Go together like
Bread and butter...
(Actually, that's all we've written so far.)
Wedge and putter,
Wedge and putter,
Go together like
Bread and butter...
(Actually, that's all we've written so far.)
06 April 2010
Sayings that change when golf isn't on the tube...
5. "I think the rough needs trimming..."
4. "I'm dropping off my bag at the club..."
3. "I wouldn't lick your balls like that."
2. "His shaft isn't stiff enough..."
1. "Tiger really is finding the hole this week...."
04 April 2010
A Carolina Easter Poem
In honor of Duke making the national championship game, here's an Easter poem from the Tarheel state (or whatever the hell it's called):
This ain't the day fur deer or pigs
Cuz I is huntin Easter iggs!
This ain't the day fur deer or pigs
Cuz I is huntin Easter iggs!
02 April 2010
01 April 2010
On FaceBook, Every Day is April Fool’s Day
Here are some of the favored pranks you can try:
Find a picture of a wineglass butt (females) or 6-pack abs (males) to use as your profile
Use the words “my son” and “state championship” in numerous posts
State that you rarely have time for FB, even though everyone can see via the chat feature that you’re full of shit
Track down old flames, then act surprised to find them there
Give BS examples of how your kids are oh-so perfectly smart
Express your 6th grade political views with such vehemence that people actually think you know what the hell you’re talking about
Call yourself a “playa” from the safety of Mom’s basement computer
Find a picture of a wineglass butt (females) or 6-pack abs (males) to use as your profile
Use the words “my son” and “state championship” in numerous posts
State that you rarely have time for FB, even though everyone can see via the chat feature that you’re full of shit
Track down old flames, then act surprised to find them there
Give BS examples of how your kids are oh-so perfectly smart
Express your 6th grade political views with such vehemence that people actually think you know what the hell you’re talking about
Call yourself a “playa” from the safety of Mom’s basement computer
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