Best and Worst Super Bowl Commercials of 2014

Best, in no particular order:

· That Bud Light one that made some of the people at my Super Bowl party laugh.
· Millard Fillmore singing with Ironic Smegma was genius.
· Nancy Reagan farting the FOX NFL jingle was mildly amusing.

I don’t actually remember any of the others. Oh wait—the last one I saw that was actually funny had Letterman, Leno, & Oprah on a couch. Can’t remember exactly when it played though.

Worst:

· That Bud Light one, ‘cause it made only the stupid people at my Super Bowl party laugh.
· The Queen of England deep throating Richard Sherman crossed the line, in the humble opinion of this writer.
· The ones where the ad execs were trying so hard to be clever that they not only failed in that endeavor, but no one even remembers the product (at last count, there were 188 of these).

Christmas Gift Ideas for Those Hard-to-Shop-For Loved Ones

A closed head injury

“A Dummy’s Guide to Infidelity” by David Letterman (with Foreword by Tiger Woods)

“Soldier or Anteater” NFL locker room hidden camera guessing game

Frat Party Simulator (pay the extra for the projectile vomit sprayer)

Cleveland Browns season tickets (the deals on these keep getting better)

Petrified smegma

An electric balloon

Earwax statue of Millard Fillmore (get started early on this one)

Barbed wire jockstrap (unsalted)

Backhoe contingency lair spotters fresh off the highway of lust

Hemorrhoid glitter

A subscription to Lincoln’s Trombone

Halloween Costumes You Can Make at Home

Guy with butter knife imbedded in his hand

Stripper looking for her pole

Mr. Band-Aid Moustache

Mrs. Lost Pants

Football fan who dresses his wiener like Kenny Stabler

David Letterman (requires dental equipment and condoms)

A head floating in a trash bag of Cocoa Puffs

The Abominable Nosebleed

Coagulated Vaseline

Joe the Plumber

Mark the Governor (requires hiking boots)

Mark the Congressman (requires candy)

A prison whore with a purty mouth

Sarah Palin (just wear your glasses & say stupid things)

Barack Obama (this one works better if you’re the one who stays home and hands out the candy)