17 February 2014

Lincoln's Trombone Presents Honest Answers to Your Sports Questions

What'd you think of the Super Bowl?
Meh.
Was Peyton Manning's legacy diminished?
He threw some bad passes. It's not like the guy plagiarized a cure for rectal discharge. Who gives a shit about some musclehead's legacy?

What are your thoughts on the Wells Report?
Turns out that, deep down, guys who bang their heads into each other for a living are assholes. Shocker.

We all know this year's Winter Olympics are in Sochi. Where will the next ones be held?
I'm sure it'll be some other snowy shithole you never heard of.
Can Nadal top Federer's grand slam record with Djokovic in his way?
I wonder about that myself.
Which major league baseball team will surprise everyone this season a la '12 Giants or '13 Pirates?
Who the hell knows?
Is Florida State a shoo-in for the next college football national championship?
History says it’s far more likely they'll go back to beating up cupcakes in September, lose to NC State, then limp into some bowl named after a product you would never buy.
Who got the best recruiting class this year?
You’re asking which group of current 17-year olds will eventually be the best 22-year old players? Seriously?

March Madness: Most exciting way to pick a champion?
If by "most exciting" you mean "least valid," then yes.
What about that Marcus Smart spitting thing?
The fan is clearly a grade A number one fuckstick. On the other hand, Smart plays for a school best known for causing sheep bung to bleed for all the wrong reasons. Tough call.

Do you think Michael Sam's announcement will hurt his draft status?
It shouldn't. Any good GM will be more concerned with how well he inflicts brain damage on opponents than on where he sticks his cock after practice.

The Browns need a QB. Think they'll draft Manziel?
Who the fuck cares?
Is Miami-OKC the next great NBA rivalry?
You think Lincoln's Trombone can predict injuries, player attrition, coaching changes, draft successes, trades, how well new players mesh, blind luck, and 100 or so other variables? You're an idiot.
How about that All-Star game?
Every bit as good as the Pro Bowl. And by 'good' I mean unwatchable.

Who's your bet for this year's Stanley Cup?
Oh shit. Is it time for that again?


6 comments:

wipes her ass with sos pads said...

Why does that blond ice dancer have brown hair in all the old family vids? Do they practice outside in all that Ann Arbor sunshine?

a Mexican cook said...

Wouldn't it help a luger to be holding back a shart? Seems like he'd be tensing all the right muscles. A pre-meet helping of Huevos rancheros might be just the edge needed to get that extra 100th of a second, you know?

I'm not Niel Loebig said...

Why is there no penalty for flaying the taint in classic flaggledrop? Is it the ensuing smell?

Ponch said...

Why the fuck do you ass clowns think you know anything about sports? If I would have done anything besides acting I could have multiple rings in any sport I chose. Look at my damn six pack for christ sake! FUCK! I am FUCKING AWESOME! Just ask my astrologer you stupid shitbags!

bamafan said...

forda state not winnin shit! Sabin fuckin rules!!

a wordsmith said...

If I had to describe my last dump in 2 words, I would go with acceleration & splash.