26 February 2014

Downton Abbey Recaps the Sochi Winter Olympics

Adieu is quite in order for the rich and poor of Downton Abbey as they summarize the goings on in that 'dreadful' country with the bald old chap in charge...

Cora: I was so enthralled by the Ice Dancing and the bulging manhood of the dancers! I don't know if they enjoy the company of women, sadly. I can't get Robert to clean my ice anymore.

Thomas: Wow, my Lady, are you reading my mind? My formal servant attire was getting tight in the midsection if you know what I mean. The throbbing vibration of the ice brings juice to the loins! Being gay in Sochi is very similar to the 1920's in England!

Bates: Fuck the Olympics and anyone who isn't first. Keep you damn smegma stained hands off my wife - I know where to find sharpened luge blades, pal. Oh, and my limp was from a triple salchow accident.

Robert: Bates has taken on such an aggressive attitude of late hasn't he? I suspect VBF in the homeplace, which is why Cora goes without my 'attention', if you please. The brits made quite a show, good chaps, though I do not understand why women and servants compete. This should be for gentleman only, by God!

Sybil and Matthew: Yeah, we are dead. But we are banging each other daily and laughing at your tears. Olympics? You should see Matthew and I in the two person bedroom luge! FUCK!

Branson: I am torn between who I was and who I am and who I am meant to be and have annoyed everyone throughout.

Dowager Countess: Branson, you pitiful fool. You are dreadful regardless. And I find myself ashamed at this family. Watching Shaun White suck ass publicly was righteous! Word!

Edith and Rose: We love us some 'N' word booty!

4 comments:

warner bros sucks arse said...

Finally something sophisticated from you ridiculous Yanks! Miraculous is all that is! Still, I will admit that my nipples are jutting like I was sliding down a bobsled track moobs first!

my falsies are just throw pillows said...

Did they have toilet paper in 1920s England? They all walk like they're worried their most recent dump might soak through their knickers.

George banks eats moldy crumpets said...

Good show old chap! You have succeeded in juxtaposing a vain glorious bastard show with Elizabethan toilet droppings.

Ben Galipoet said...

You think the sweet young thangs would say "N"? They are afraid to say niggardly when referring to Lord Robert's new budgetary ways in verse! (Look it up douche bags)