Dear General Fester: Love the name, bro, reminds me of an ex-girlfriend. I travel frequently around the world, recently in the UK. My question, specifically relates to British pop and something that bothers me (it nearly cost me the 5th set): Why do guilty feet have no rhythm? Signed: Roger F.
Dear Champ: Thanks for the props. (BTW, did anyone ever tell you that you look a bit like Quentin Tarantino?) Great question, the answer is quite simple, though. Consider the source of the song. Random gay sex with a variety of lovers makes for an awkward gait. Imagine trying to dance the samba with a fresh baguette inserted, proctologist style. Even worse, if you were cheating on your ‘baker’? I think you get my point. (PS: You are pronating your wrist on your forehand volley)
Dear General Fester: You’ve recently posted a thought provoking piece about Gilligan. You failed to answer the age old question: Ginger or MaryAnn? Signed: John Weekly
Dear Long baller: You are smarter than the average bear. In asking the question, you reference my picnic question, HERE. (And Yogi knows something about pic-i-nic baskets, if you hear what I’m sayin’...) Let me answer your question with a question: Do you prefer an expensive, but rare ahi-tuna from the finest restaurant in Hollywood? OR, Do you prefer the luscious sweet peach of a roadside stand in paradise? It’s easy, my friend; screw the tuna, eat the peach. (PS:Hope your sports gambling goes well!)
Dear Duke: I'm not sure what coagulation is, but I do have a personal health question. What exactly is Smegma? Thanks in advance! Signed: Michigan Wolverine
Dear M Go Goo: Perhaps this mental image will help: Think of the worst head cold you ever experienced. Now replace your nose with a foreskin.
General Fester: What the hell is a Yeat’s Beast? (Does it taste like chicken?) Did you vanquish the b*tch or does it still seek your blood? Signed: OJS Trojan
Dear Rubber: Very interesting notion. Have any tips for a rookie? (PS: Keep writing, you'll get it right one of these days.....)
Duke: You seem to have a high interest in romantic poetry. How do I talk to my girlfriend about public farting? Signed: S. Dakota Collegian
Dear SBD-sniffing SDC: It's the question that writers of love sonnets have been asking for centuries: What rhymes with flatulence? As others before you have found out, it's best to go with a synonym. Something like: That you are my gal makes me ever so proud/Except when you crank out a nasty-ass cloud.
(For more on Romanticists, see MUSINGS.)
Duke: Please discuss the influence of Jungian philosophy on monk candidates with cleft palettes hailing from Alabama. Signed: Dog-Eared Paul
Listen up, Dawwwwg: You may have me confused with someone else. I am wholly dedicated to helping those with cleft PALATES and could literally talk for hours on how Bahá'í theory alone built Mobile's best craniofacial clinics. But frankly, why monks would use split boards to hold their watercolors is beyond me.
CONFIDENTIAL TO LINDSAY L: His name is Thomas Mesereau
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4 comments:
I don't get it. You answer one age-old question about Gilligan's Island, but ignore the more pressing one: Why is it that every planet they land on, the people speak English?
I think I know what you mean about screwing the Tuna.....
Confidential to T. Blair, London:
If you don't know the words, don't sing along so loud that your neighbors can hear. The second line is: Absorbent and yellow AND POROUS is he!
Interesting post as for me. I'd like to read something more about that topic.
By the way look at the design I've made myself A level escort
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