10 July 2007

The Lost Writings of Shakespeare

The Bard’s early attempts at coachspeak:


Strut your effort 110%
And failure ne’er we’ll meet.

We toil to take
What the defense bequeaths us.

When others cry havoc
Must you then dig deep.

Mine preference is for luckiness over goodness.

Rough-hewn this contest will unfold;
So strap it on and play nobly as hell.

Losing grandly is not a sin.
But neither is to win ugly.

Play flat and fortune’s fool shall you be.

Oft’ times ‘tis less the skill of the warrior
Than whose desire is greatest.

Aggression can be but a shadow of life.
Allow thus the contest to come to you.

Be not a coward in pursuing greatness,
But instead be all you wish to be.

Play together as a band of brothers:
Battle ye with alacrity
And chemistry.

Attempt not to grasp unreachable stars
Rather, play within thine own self.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Pretty funny, wise-ass.
However, you know good and well that
Marlowe was almost solely responsible for those sayings. Note the similarity to this Pirate call to arms:

"Come play with mee, and be my bitch; The Pirates Swaines shall daunce and sing;
In the delight of your ass-kicking.

BTW, DON'T f*** with a Pirate in regard to Elizabethan poetry. It's not worth the embarrassment. Don't EVEN go there.

Anonymous said...

The game is but life itself
So leave it all on the field.

Anonymous said...

Practice what I speak unto you
And then practice, practice, practice more.


(That's all my coach ever done say to me)

The Duke of Coagulation said...

Marlowe peaked with Faustus, a work about as original as West Side Story.

General Fester said...

Obviously 'pirate fever' is a Seton Hall loser, jealous of the Duke's quite superior knowledge on the subject of the Bard's 'game face' (and he is THE single expert on uses for potted meat). Take your filthy language back to the hole in the ground you came from. From Horatio to you:
Your butt cracks a lame-o fart. Good riddance, idiot pirate.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I agree with the butt pirate. You know how Joe Montana was overrated because he was a system quarterback who happened to be in the right system? Same with Shakespeare. Give him a defense like Fouts or Marino had and see how many Pulitzers he takes home!

Anonymous said...

Marlowe nibbles dingleberries.