Ask Mr. Meeting

Dear Mr. Meeting: I recently informed my task force that any outcome measures we derive would necessitate new pedagogy and are thus best reported within empirical support rubrics. My co-chair argued that a demonstration of multitasking relevant to the de rigueur substructure is intrinsic to our (or any) organizational strategic imperatives. I won the day but am now having second thoughts as to whether she was correct. Alpha Co-Chair

Dear Alf: Given the limitations inherent in the proposed alternative, it was appropriate to divert the task force toward rubric compilation. However, had Ms. Co-Chair used the phrasing “organizational strategic assumptions” (which, you’ll have to admit, may be what she had in mind), the correct response would have been to facilitate feedback toward long-range objectives.


Dear Mr. Meeting: While debating specific internal/external factors to include in the organizational mission statement, the committee chair assigned 3 of us to a subcommittee to explore the company’s vision vis-à-vis market instability, opportunities, directions, and competition. At the time, I didn’t think much about it, but now I’m wondering whether process development could be compromised by an executive action of this sort. What do you think? Associate Subcommittee Head

Dear AssSubHead: Such an assignment sounds more like a task force than a subcommittee, and thus any questions regarding process are secondary to the implementation of prerogatives. Openly question your chair’s ability to facilitate a supportive environment and watch how fast he or she pays attention to amending organizational infrastructure!


Dear Mr. Meeting: I have to confess: I hate meetings. Whenever I’m in one, I spend the entire ordeal checking and rechecking my watch and thinking about the portion of my life that doesn’t concern budgetary priorities, Robert’s Rules of Order, aligning goals to imperatives, or mechanisms for realizing long term outcomes. Please provide some feedback in order that I might facilitate a decline in the instability of my attention to task. The Master of “Meeting Be Hating”

Dear Master B’Hating: You just asked me for “feedback” to “facilitate” greater stability. In other words, there’s nothing to worry about: You’ll be one of the gang in no time.


Dear Mr. Meeting: During, say, the compilation of strategic planning initiatives, I like to wait for junior executives to express new ideas regarding prioritization of novel resources in ways the CEO terms “outside the box,” after which I roll my eyes, sigh, and say something like, “Why not just have a f****** hoagie sale, Mortimer?” In your opinion, how quickly will this strategy fast-track a promotion over these half-brains? A Whole Brain

Dear A-Whole: Please kill yourself. Then never write to me again.


Dear Mr. Meeting: After a recent meeting on updating service delivery options, a really hot female member of the sales force told me she’d “do anything” to be part of the revenue source research initiative. How much should I read into that comment? Married Guy

Dear Mary: If you’re asking what I think you are, allow me to point out that your thoughts are quite inappropriate, not to mention unprofessional. Now please excuse Mr. Meeting, as he suddenly feels an urge to visit the bathroom.