Babysitting Blues

I can’t get any f****** babysitting jobs!

My plan for the summer was pick up some extra f****** cash babysitting, but I haven’t made sh** and the summer is half-f****** over! Why can’t I get f****** work? I have friends who babysit and they’re dipsh**s! Why won’t any f***nut parents hire me? And don’t give me that bullsh** about babysitting being for chicks. I know plenty of guys who do it (most of whom are a**holes with earrings and tattoos, of which I have neither!).

It’s not like I haven’t gotten jobs before. Fact is, I’m a d*** good worker. I worked construction one summer and that’s hard-a** labor! The summer before that, I was employee of the f****** month at the car wash! And when I’m not working summer jobs, I’m a straight A f****** student in college! But does any of that impress people? H*** no!

Example: A single dad needs a sitter and he f****** asks me, “Do you have a girlfriend?” wondering, I guess, whether I’ll spend the night sucking some b****’s face rather than watching his f***a** kids. I told him, “F*** yeah, I got me a piece of a**, but when I’m on the f****** clock, her a** won’t be anywhere near this place, you can bet your wife’s left t** on that, may she rest in peace.” But rather than acting reassured, he stops the conversation, like I’m lying or somef******thing. Sh**!

Then there’s the lady who asked me if I’m a partier. I tell her the truth: “I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t even like that f****** sh** that passes for rock ‘n’ roll these days.” Then I joked, “’Course, I might buttf*** your cat if I get to feeling frisky!”

Apparently, the b**** didn’t get it because I didn’t hear from her again.

Anyway, I can tell you one f****** thing: Next year I’m going back to the car wash or f****** construction site. This babysitting bullsh** turned out to be a f****** waste of what should have been a kick-a** summer!