Things a Rhyming Proctologist Might Say

I’ll try to be kind
To your sick behind.

Of cream I’ll add a dollop.
It might reduce your polyp.

If I fill your can with helium,
You'll float up to the ceilium.

Joe was constipated
'Til the age of thirty-one.
Then he came to see me.
Now his hole shoots like a gun

I'll look into your bung,
But not sift through your dung.

Corn in your stool?
That ain’t cool!

I always change my glove
Before the finger shove.

Painful rectal itch?
Just part of my niche.

If you act like a dope,
With a spork I will scope.

I provide a service;
You give me hard earned loot.
I then put on the rubber glove
And get inside your chute.

Show me the crack, Jack!

There's a pimple on your bun.
That can't be too much fun.

Your vertical smile
Ejected a pile.

McPhennigan had dandruff
Upon his anus hair.
I said, "Try Head & Shoulders.
"Or wash your crack with Nair."

If you can change your diet,
Your bum should then get quiet.

Should you pass a bass through your ass, m'lass,
Your gas just has to be crass.

I’ll probe within your pooper.
Let’s hope it turns out super.

Will I look in your arse?
The answer is "Of carse!"

I’ll check your fecal matter,
But poop you mustn’t splatter.

Because...
You're blue
With flu,
Your poo
Came through
Like stew
Thus…
For you,
This goo.
Doo-doo:
Like new!

I’ll diagnose in onomatopoeia:
Splishy-splashy goes your diarrhea.