Poetry Reading Script

Totalitarianism!
We mosey against the lard.
Plodding, plodding, always plodding.
Always…
Plodding.

[Pause]

Helmeted Mayor McCheeses
Burrowing in excess
Rapping, tapping, beating, algebra!

[Pause, then slowly shake head]

I sure picked the wrong day to pluck that button off the interstate!

[Wait for laughter to die down]

Fallopian! European! Cantalouppian!
We run without chandeliers
‘Twixt the meaning over orange.
Phil leader: Beheaded and cavalier;
Old hockey pray tell.

[Clear throat 6 times]

Damien on horseback,
Delivery crap!

[Put hand to ear to show no fear of angry muttering]

[Louder] Final fish! Yes, I said that! Final fish!

[Wait for gasps to cease]

Tomorrow we elevate the land odor dexterity!

[Be careful here—applause might begin]

And…
And…
And…
And…
Neptune we bow sullenly to the specter of…

[Make quotation marks with fingers]

“Garden meat!”

[Wait for initial applause to diminish before bowing]