Liquids and/or Irony

• Horse cum
• I posted a status update about how Facebook posters are unpoetic obnoxions.
• Diffenbachia squeezin’s
• The Cleveland Symphony is so “sophisticated” they played 3 Ironic Smegma songs in 1 Christmas concert.
• The name of Bengal’s top poet is “Mikl Or-uus”.
• Right fielder spleen juice
• You laugh at a player who sloped 3 feltings and the next thing you know, you’re outside the flaggledroppery bung zone!
• Jewish magician rennen
• Soft?! This butter is about as soft as Loebig when Muncy puts on that leather bikini!
• Condensed VBF
• Smegma in a vat

Top 10 Trombonist Monthly Controversies

10. The Cleveland Symphony F trigger debate. Long may it wave!

9. The January 1999 exposé suggesting that Millard Fillmore didn’t really discover the trombone. Rather, it was claimed, he invented the tetherball.

8. Crappington’s alleged “discovery” that a Bach 1862 mute with the slide in 4^th position sounds just like a VBF.

7. June 2007 editorial entitled “The Bass Trombone: I Mean, What Sort of Goofy Shit is That?”

6. The long-running Muncy-Loebig debate re. whether the first and second braces should be named after Erik Bung & Niel Hole.

5. The as-yet unresolved question about P-bones: Can they really approximate a clean sound or do we use them just because they look so damn cool?

4. The Duquesne University study suggesting that the friction inherent in the back & forth movement of the slide will eventually force the spit valve to empty itself under great pressure (a new wrinkle to the old “Is it the size of the slide or motion of the trombonist?” argument).

3. Ted Nugent’s prepared statement that “Ya Shoodn’t give yer horn a female name cuz ya kan’t blow a girl! Yi yi yi yi yi yi yi!! Ahhhhhh!!!”

2. The “tromboner” jokes told by the London Philharmonic’s section and the resulting backlash by their prissy little woodwinds.

1. The question of whether media bias exists against the Cleveland Symphony or if their negative press reflects actual widespread hatred. Once this topic hit the message boards, it took off like smegma from a pervert’s whiz pickle.

The 5 People You Meet Up Erik Estrada's Bunghole

Some excerpts from Mitch Albom's new tour de force:

"Sal Muncy?! I haven't seen you since college! Wow—it was with you that I learned how to satisfy a woman."

"Are you kidding me, you asshole? You always finished faster than Usain Bolt on steroids."

*          *          *          *          *

"Will Robinson? What are you doing here?"

"Hey, anything is better than hearing that damn robot yell your name any time there's even a hint of danger. In a way, I’m still Lost in Space. Get it? Haw haw haw!!! Oh crap—Ponch diarrhea just shot out my nose! Ahhh! PONCH DIARRHEA! DANGER! PONCH DIARRHEA!"

*          *          *          *          *

"So let me get this straight--you’re   Ted Nugent's willy?"

"Wang Dang Sweet Brown Tang!"

*          *          *          *          *

Then I saw a badger and feared that I must tred lightly.

"Relax," spoke the varmint. "I was Aesop's favorite."

*          *          *          *          *

"Erik Estrada? But...? How...? is that even possible?"