Some Thanksgiving Conversation

“Please pass the stuffing.”
“Why don’t you have your new little trophy wife pass the stuffing, you f***ing a**hole?!”

* * * *

“You didn’t have to bring a dessert. We have plenty.”
“Yeah, but last year yours were a bit, oh, let’s just say tart.”

* * * *

“You did a great job on this. Not too hard, not too soft. Not too dry or juicy.”
“The aroma is absolutely yummy!”
“And the color is a perfect brown.”
“Uh…are you guys talking about the turkey or the dump I just took?”

* * * *

“Do you like my pie, dear?”
“If I didn’t, would there be 12 people seated around this table?”

* * * *

“So Joe, you married yet?”
“No. And to answer your next question, I’m still straight.”

* * * *

“These potatoes have a weird aroma.”
“Maybe you’re smelling the SBD I just cracked.”

* * * *

“What’s that noise? Oh... Hey, dogs throw up cranberries! Who knew?”

* * * *

“I think you’ll find this wine satisfying, if a bit amusing. White, but not dry; possessing a zesty essence.”
“As long as it gets my ass buzzed, it can dry the zest off my shaft for all I care.”

* * * *

“Eat the food before it gets hard.”
“Would that be so bad? Hell, that’s what I’m most thankful for!”
“Before the food gets hard.”
“Oh, right.”

* * * *

“So you’re an accountant now. Hey, sounds gripping!”
“So you’re still a smartass. Hey, grip this!”