“Please pass the stuffing.”
“Why don’t you have your new little trophy wife pass the stuffing, you f***ing a**hole?!”
* * * *
“You didn’t have to bring a dessert. We have plenty.”
“Yeah, but last year yours were a bit, oh, let’s just say tart.”
* * * *
“You did a great job on this. Not too hard, not too soft. Not too dry or juicy.”
“The aroma is absolutely yummy!”
“And the color is a perfect brown.”
“Uh…are you guys talking about the turkey or the dump I just took?”
* * * *
“Do you like my pie, dear?”
“If I didn’t, would there be 12 people seated around this table?”
* * * *
“So Joe, you married yet?”
“No. And to answer your next question, I’m still straight.”
* * * *
“These potatoes have a weird aroma.”
“Maybe you’re smelling the SBD I just cracked.”
* * * *
“What’s that noise? Oh... Hey, dogs throw up cranberries! Who knew?”
* * * *
“I think you’ll find this wine satisfying, if a bit amusing. White, but not dry; possessing a zesty essence.”
“As long as it gets my ass buzzed, it can dry the zest off my shaft for all I care.”
* * * *
“Eat the food before it gets hard.”
“Would that be so bad? Hell, that’s what I’m most thankful for!”
“Before the food gets hard.”
“Oh, right.”
* * * *
“So you’re an accountant now. Hey, sounds gripping!”
“So you’re still a smartass. Hey, grip this!”
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
"Man, that was some meal. I had trouble unbuttoning my pants after that!"
"But Uncle Joe, we're nudists."
"AHHHHHH!!!!!"
I really like this as a movie plot for me. I could unbutton my shirt and show my flexing muscles at the dinner table while Pamela 'serves' me under the table. All while my quiet, unassuming wife (maybe J-Lo or Britney S if she loses some weight) feeds me her pie in front of the whole damn family! We could have a dog in it (i think people love that shit) and maybe Burt Reynolds could star as my crazy uncle who has never been married (I think we should call him "Turd Ferguson"). We would make BIG bucks on this. Well written, pissant. Pass the damn taters.
Post a Comment