Giving Thanks

Ever been at Thanksgiving dinner when suddenly you’re asked what you’re thankful for and you have nothing to say? Next time, instead of looking like a dweeb in front of the entire extended family, use some or all of the following.

I’m thankful for…

• Seeing most of you only once a year

• Mom not making, for once, that crappy bean casserole no one ever eats

• Sewage pipes tough enough to handle the Thanksgiving J I’m soon to dislodge

• A day that people actually care about the Lions playing football

• Time travel (assuming you know about this)

• The statute of limitations on public nudity

• Learning to hit Ignore when people I used to hate request to be my Facebook friend

• Learning to hit Ignore when people I like request that I accept a drink or some sort of ****** plant

• 2 things: Internet porn and a limber left hand

And, finally:

• Lincoln’s Trombone, that’s what I’m ******* thankful for!