An Interview with Ted Nugent

In something of a surprise development, the Motor City Madman agreed to a sit down with one of our interviewers. What follows is a transcript of that meeting.

Lincoln’s Trombone: Ted, you’ve been made fun of several times on this blog. In fact, we’ve often portrayed you as a complete idiot. So I have to ask: Why did you agree to this interview?

Ted Nugent: F**kin’ A, man. Hey-ya, bee-ouch! Ya ya ya ya ya ya ya!!

LT: As a child, the story goes, you were something of a classical guitar prodigy. Any truth to that?

TN: That’s some sh*t, mutha-F! Hilary sucks! Wango tango! YEAHHHHH!!!!

LT: Why did you switch to rock and roll?

TN: I knew…Oh, I knew…I knew, mutha f**ker…that I had to have me some dat pus-say! Yeah, ya ya ya ya ya ya ya, bitch!

LT: In your ‘70s hey day, you packed stadiums coast to coast. Those must have been some heady times.

TN: Obama sucks too! Whah-HAH!!!! Oh baby! Oh baby! I like me them guns!

LT: You appeared in an episode of ‘That ‘70’s Show.’ What was that experience like?

TN: It was like WAH! Like WAHH!! Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!

LT: Tell us how the fascination with hunting began.

TN: Bill Maher never call no more, that mutha f**—I ever see that pussy, I’ll kick, I say I’ll KICK…oh yeah, I’ll kick…I’ll kick his ever lovin’ ass! I will I will I will I will I will. I will, mutha!

LT: Some entertainers shy away from expressing their political views for fear it distracts people from their art. Do you ever think about that?

TN: I worry about what ain’t sh*t, ya dig? Aw-right, aw-right aw-right aw-right! YEAH-HAHHHH!!

LT: So what are you doing these days?

TN: [7 minutes of unintelligible screaming]

LT: Well Ted, thank you for your time.

TN: [3 more minutes of screaming] …and f**k you!