Duke’s 2008 Resolutions Involving German Cheeses

I resolve:

To never vomit handkäse on the side of a stagecoach museum

To one day prance amongst the milbenkäse of yesteryear

To at least once stink like one of Heidi Klum’s romadur belches

To understand the relationship between Bavaria blu and the phrase “Eat me”

To tell the world that cambozolais is actually about as German as Nipsy Russell’s manboobs

To wish the lightness of heart inherent in weisslacker was stocked toward planets that worship Millard Fillmore

To say “gorgonzola” in such a way that an audience of hog farmers scream like girlish garden gnomes

To respond to an order of harzer by saying, “Honey, this is as harz as it gets!”

To repay the miller for Klutzer Gold spilt during deciduous decades

To admit the inherent mystery observed in each slice of nillekas

And finally,

To say steinbuscher without blushing like a monitor lizard