The following excerpt is from an essay, entitled “Republicans and Democrats,” written by Stanley Grappefroot, the only American writer known to simulate bodily noises every 13 syllables.
Perhaps I was naïve, but as a young adult, I—sniff—viewed American political parties far dif—ah-choo!—ferently than I do today. My mental image—BRAAACK!!—of Democrats was an idealistic son, full—[grunt]—of ideas and wanting desperately to save the—ack!—world, if only he had the money to do so. Re—BLAH! LURCH! SPLASH!—publicans, on the other hand, were the dad with the—hack!—checkbook, saying, “Son, I respect your goals, but we sim—ssssssss… “Ah, the pause that refreshes!”—ply cannot afford them all. Let us choose some and re—squeek—visit the others later.” To my way of thinking— Ptttt!—both were needed and both needed each other. Nowa—“Oof! Uh!” [Ker-plunk!] “Ahh!”—days, however, the GOP stands for power, as—Wah! Wahh!—in accumulating as much as possible, damn—ptui!—those in the way. But, unlike the Dems, at least they stand—zzzzzzzzzz—for something.
2 comments:
This is very interesting. Grappefoot could perhaps be afflicted with a lesser-known, but more recently diagnosed version of Tourette's called fartypants syndrome. I believe Les Miles has been approached to be the spokesman, so to speak.
PS: Scholars maintain that Grappefoot's use of 'lurch, splash' is "genius".
Thanks for the mention. I appreciate it. And keep—[splish, bloop, rat-a-tat-a-tat, splash] “Whoa Nelly! Look out America! Here come the Niña, the Pinta, and the San-Diarrhea!!”—up the good work.
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