07 March 2014

A Surrealist Dog Takes A Shit

Need to go out. Go to door. Wag tail. Wag more damn it! Somebody must let me out! Molten spleen of the right fielder emanates a Dickinsonian nectar.

Someone coming. Grabbing a leash! All is well. The beating pulse of arterial splendor casts lightly upon one’s shelter.

Outside. Must walk. Can’t shit too close to house or walk ends. Volcanic frequencies flash aft, as if emanating from the sun.

Have traveled around 2 corners. Must pull leash. Stop walking! Time to squat. The brightness of odorous limbs claims royalty per heaven’s lost pastries.

Ah! Oh…yessss! Finally dislodged the bastard! And in 4 separate places so the human has to move his bag all about the knoll as he searches for my waste. Plaid dexterity is gaseous upon contextual power.

Back inside. Feel something under my tail. One last job: Must wipe ass on carpet. Lucidity is never superficial in the wake of secession.

Fini.

6 comments:

True Magazine said...

For women, "powder my nose" = take a shit. AM I RIGHT?!!

an existentialist badger in arizona said...

Lizard, rat? In a vacuum, who's got the moral authority to rank order?

Surrealist Cat said...

Should I move to the sunny spot or just hang out here in the pile of laundry? Yawn. Purr. Stupid Dog.

Poop sniffing poodle said...

Love where you have been eating, yo! OBVS been hanging with the purebreeds! So totally jelly! Did I catch a hint of Fifi's taint? Thought so you nasty vbf eating beast!

a forgetful shih tzu said...

Just took a shit myself. Now I'm hungry...hey what's this brown stuff? Mmmm, delectable!

a tv critic said...

In the opinion of this writer, the most impressive aspect of Jack Bauer's CTU training was that he could go 24 hours without taking a shit.