How to Order Pay-Per-View

Here are the steps to ordering pay-per-view in my area. Your results may vary (though I’m guessing not by much).

1) Try to order the game by hitting the correct button on the remote.

2) Read an error message stating that it’s not yet available.

3) Repeat step 1 closer to game time.

4) Observe the new error message, telling you it is now too late to order this particular game.

5) Call cable customer service.

6) Wait on hold and hear ads about how great their service is.

7) Listen to customer service rep tell you the game’s not available in your area.

8) Call again.

9) Wait on hold again.

10) Get a different rep and ask if the game is available in the area.

11) Be told no again.

12) Repeat steps 8-10 until you get a rep who says yes.

13) Ask this last rep to hook up the game.

14) By then it’s halftime, so wait 15 more minutes to see if it’s actually the second half of the game for which you just paid full price.

15) If yes: Enjoy. If not, return to step 5.