27 January 2014

SUPER BOWL 2014: PREDICTIONS




1. Dan Dierdorf's lisp will become self aware

2. The kickoff will be precisely at 4:20

3. Peyton Manning's forehead will be interviewed by a posthumous Tom Mees forehead.

4. Jim Brown threatens to return to the game to preserve any record broken by "those niggas hoes        who dissed my mama, yo"

5. The entire Seahawks team is discovered to use a little know, first to be found, Performance enhancing drug: Al Kaline's Spleen Juice. Rather than a forfeit, they are forced to watch Pete Carroll take a dump on Howie Long's yard.

6. ESPN will promote the SEC as being better than the NFL - just look at the damn competition!

7. Nick Saban will make a guest appearance. Promptly screams at Terry Bradshaw for "NOT WANTING IT ENOUGH GAWD DAMMIT!"

8. Al Michaels will shout DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES, YES! over and over. Madonna's boyfriend responds with a sad, knowing nod.

9. Michael Jackson suddenly appears to the do the halftime show and quickly dissipates when he realizes it isn't the Little League World Series and Catholic priest hummer rally.

10. A variety of half thought out and mildly clever commercials appear. Erik Estrada tells his gathering that he 'turned down roles in each of them' because they didn't invite Jon or his astrologer onto the set.

4 comments:

1985 said...

Aw come on, man! The Super Bowl ads were funny!

Jizz King of Michigan said...

What the hell? No score prediction? I like Seattle Slew over Denver Pyle any day of the week. Oh yeah and Jim Brown can eat my white and massive balls!

your mom said...

Who are all these people? I thought this game was about that Sherman boy.

the guy in the next stall said...

You got any toilet paper man? What little's in here ain't gonna handle what I just dislodged.