Induce nightmares in your children with midnight swirlies.
Speed down the highway at 125 mph. When a cop pulls you over, eat a spoonful of mustard and vomit all over his uniform.
Put mashed banana in your girlfriend’s sunscreen. When you get to the beach, release the chimps.
When your roommate falls asleep, nail one of those stupid Razorback hats to his head.
Marinate Grandpa’s stool softeners in taco sauce.
Add some ketchup to a dirty Sanchez. Tell her she better get to the proctologist pronto!
Put a non-orange ‘Whorns’ shirt on your child and drive him to Austin. If you live too far away, just put him on the short school bus.
Leave a bottle of Scope and a turd in the coffee lounge. See what sort of interesting interpretations your co-workers come up with.
Join Facebook in your friend’s name. Describe in great detail your career in porn.
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2 comments:
Call your last 1 night stand and tell him you're preggers with triplets.
surgically place pain receptors in someone's shit. that way you can inflict pain by merely stepping in their shit! Ha!!
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