Balancing a beach ball on one’s foreskin
Cultivation of arm pit juice
Estimating the correct circumference of Ashlee Simpson’s butt pimples
Spork tossing
Molding Cheez Whiz into the shape that best approximates a tortoise pancreas
Vomiting handkäse on the side of a stagecoach museum
Sucking navel lint (judged per poundage)
Molecularization of ear wax
Measuring J’s with a straight edge
Dancing around drops of urine on a rusted shower drain
Blowing spit bubbles sans milk
Turning textbook pages with the blade of a scythe
Making Disney jokes in the vapid netherworld of space
Stare downs with crotch rot
Goin’ all “Sal Muncy” at square dances
Making lists of activities that are no dumber than some Olympic sports
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20 comments:
Lock the stalls from the inside, then slide under the door!
(The good ones NEVER get old!)
Name yer turds.
BTW, Big & Brown both say hi.
Synchronized diving is sort of like solving equations with the number L in them.
Here's an activity that's like a swimming race:
Every other swimming race!
Is speedwalking still part of the Olympics? To me, that always made about as much sense as time traveling with Erik Estrada.
How about watching more features on what Michael Phelps eats, what he listens to, what his mom thinks about while cheering, how big his shits are, etc.?
No way swim. That kind of coverage should be reserved for Brett Favre!
When rhythmic gymnastics comes on, I lock myself in the car and fingerpaint with my dung on the rear window.
How many damn boxing matches can one Olympics have? Does each country get to send their 10 best in every weight class? Is it triple elimination?
Waving a red flag.
This is 1 you could do AT the Olympics; in beach volleyball, it apparently means 2 things: 1) the shot was in and 2) the shot was out.
Here's a future activity: Apparently, there will soon be a show in which Christian Slater plays 2 guys--and doesn't even know it! Or something.
Jumping on a trampoline.
Oh wait--that is a damn Olympic sport!
Clint could outride any of them ekwestrein mo fo's!
The pole vault reminds me of the reflection I see in the shower every morning!
Ping pong is for those who lack the fussballs to play badminton.
I'd be good at the steeplechase cuz I wear my shoes in the pool.
Them ancient Greeks sure had some goofy-ass hammers. No wonder they never built nothin worth a dam.
BMX reminds me of my ex-BM!
LOL! LOL! LOL!
A lot of guys pretend they're in the snatch when all they do is clean & jerk.
The closing ceremony sucked my ass.
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