01 August 2008

Submissions to Reader’s Digest


Life in These United States

Even respected brain surgeons get leaky roofs, I unfortunately discovered one day. Luckily, one of my patients was a handyman and agreed to repair the structure for free.

“It’s a slow leak into the living room,” I explained to the crusted strongman.

Without missing a beat, he replied, “Guess I’ll get started.”

Humor in Uniform

Deciding to spend my hard-earned leave back home meant boarding a DC-9 for the Deep South. To pass the 4 hours of required travel time, I brought along the latest Beverly Barton thriller. I was so overjoyed when we finally touched down in Biloxi, however, that I deplaned quickly—without my book!

As I was conveying my thanks to the pilot, I heard a commotion behind me. When I glanced back, I saw my trusted flight attendant, holding my lost paperback and pushing her way to the front of the line.

“Lieutenant!” she yelled for all to hear. “You’ll love the ending!”

All in a Day’s Work

Returning from a sales conference, our driver was clearly lost, although he was not the type to admit it. Fortunately, a quick-thinking associate requested that we pull off the highway in order to procure a much needed meal. Once this task was completed, my colleague began asking the locals for directions. His first victim was an elderly gent atop a motel porch, seated on a rocking chair and whittling.

“Which way to Decatur, old timer?” he asked the grizzled veteran of life. The man pointed south.

My buddy was flabbergasted. “Now we’ll have to make up an hour’s driving time!” he cried.

The man did not even looking up from his carving as he answered, “Good luck.”

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Here's an anecdote they can put at the bottom of a page:

While vacationing in Cozumel, I unfortunately felt a slight touch of Montezuma's Revenge. The understanding concierge directed me to a local apothecary but, as luck would have it, everything there was written in Spanish, a tongue I've yet to master.

Thinking quickly, I gave the druggist a crisp new American $5 bill while I pointed to my stomach. He handed it back to me and suggested I wipe my ass with it.

Anonymous said...

Here's 1 I sent in for All in a Day's Work:


Like every morning, I was lined up with the other girls, awaiting the johns' choices. As I hadn't even bothered with make-up, I was shocked when an elderly gent chose me.

"Sorry--wrong time of the month," I informed the gray-haired stranger.

Thinking I had ended our encounter, I was quite surprised when he answered, "That's OK. I enjoy clown-mouth!"

Anonymous said...

Das ist disgustmenten!

Anonymous said...

Hear 1:

Ol boy done tell me his Massey bettern my JD so I says bring it over. He done so but my Deer outdo it! Than I whupped his sorry ass.