Tax Day Advice (Actually Random Musings)

If I were ever talking to myself and then suddenly realized someone was in the next stall, I would pretend I was on a cell phone call and say, “You idiot! You do that and it won’t detonate!”

When ranking the melodiousness of 3^rd century dental ailments, I would have to place pericementitis first, although one could make a case for pulpitis.

I firmly believe that Speedy Gonzalez could beat the Road Runner in a short sprint (say, across a room), but would lose miserably at any distance over a half mile.

Mules blasted into outer space would be cool, unless one of them got injured. Then Houston would have to listen to wailing and braying until they got tired of it and exploded the rocket.

I don’t believe Einstein died of an aneurysm. I think he solved time travel, but the technology eventually got into the wrong hands and so, to cover their tracks, the bad guys went back in time and killed Big Al before he actually invented the very system they were using to murder him.

Based on their descriptions, one would think that hot fudge over ice cream was a dumb idea and auto racing would be cool, not the other way around.

If formal diagnostic testing could be used to help scrutinize the leftist leanings of those who like to dress up as albino armadillos, I would worry that the backhoe contingency would do little more than describe saucers of malt liquor.

Although most Americans don’t believe in dictatorships, you have to admit that it’s kind of cool how we might continue handing the presidency back and forth between 2 dysfunctional families.