Gridiron Musings

I think it's kind of ironic that during football season, it's OK for guys who similarly castigate their significant others for the same thing all year, to plan their wardrobe weeks in advance, to the last detail .

I'm pretty sure that when using the toilet in the stadium from now on, I won't ever reach under the stall for some TP.

Why is it that grown men act like their life is over as they know it to go shopping on the day after Thanksgiving (too crowded, traffic, bad parking lots, standing in line) yet will drop a couple hundred bucks on a September Saturday to do the same exact thing for a football game? Why am I asking you?

I'm sure if I googled it, I could easily find out the origins of 'gridiron' and 'pigskin'. However, I would be afraid to do it without 'safe search enabled'.

Why are we even bothering playing this season? USC has already claimed 5 national titles for their collection before the first damn ball was kicked.

I've been thinking about a new color scheme for penalty flags. I think they should throw pink ones for sissy penalties like encroachment (and by the way, what ever happened to calling it offsides?) and illegal procedure. I'm thinking perhaps a nice shade of orange for 10 yarders like holding, etc (because not a damn thing good happens in orange). And then, Jolly Roger flags, soaked in the blood of virgin goats (have to go somewhere besides Stillwater or Morgantown to find them) for personal fouls.

If one more ghey soccer fan says that soccer "is the real football", I'm gonna punk their sorry asses.....or maybe tell their Mom on them....

After years of picking college football winners, I've arrived at a singular truth: my picks are nearly perfect, I'm just picking the wrong year, apparently.

BOOMER SOONER!