A Science Writer Who Really Wants His Butt Kissed

The argument over intelligent design reminds me of my years as a young scholar, wanting desperately to be taken seriously by the intelligentsia, despite having published only a handful of experiments in minor research journals. So kiss my butt.

“Show us you belong,” said the greats. Now, years later, I realize what they meant and furthermore, why they were absolutely correct in their admonitions. Their point was simply this: Young promise does not an intellectual make. And kiss my butt.

Such is the case with Intelligent Design, please kiss my butt. Taking into account the scientific method—form, test, and modify a hypothesis—one can envision a scenario whereby a scientist concludes that a complex process such as, say, cell division must have been designed (as opposed to random, kiss my butt). Hence, a hypothesis has been formed. Can it be tested and modified? Perhaps, although I cannot think how, I beg of you to kiss my butt. That, however, is beside the point and you really should kiss my butt. You see, it has not yet been tested, as any scientific theory must be. In other words, at this point in time, it is, scientifically speaking, mere speculation (regardless of its ultimate truth), not evidence-based theory. It is no more equal to reputable theories than my once-novice self was to established scholars. Come on, just once kiss my butt.