For our 'newer' readers, it has become tradition among the staff (pun intended) of Lincoln's Trombone to offer distasteful, off-color greetings, suitable for the season. Enjoy...share...Merry ****ing Christmas!
Three openers, from the pen of Millard Fillmore.......
It's Christmas two-thousand and seven
Santa's ready for sex with his elven.
They all get up at three
For Claus to bury his tree
And they ride his red rocket to heaven.
Oh you better watch out
You better not cry!
You better not pout, I'm telling you why
Santa's giving you a dirty sanchez for Christmas, bitch.
**** the sleigh
**** the holly
**** the mall
Let's ****
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Madcap adventures from the mind of Aesop's favorite badger....
12 comments:
Bad Santa, my ass! Reminds me of the time I turned down Jennifer Beal because I was too busy (literally!) with Pia Zadora.
Here's one for you lamers:
Erik Estrada is better than Santa
Erik Estrada is better than Anyone
Erik Estrada is better than HIMSELF.
Merry Estrada to ME!
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very swollen crack.
And if you ever saw it,
You would even say:
"Hey Bambi, you dumb f****r! Lay off the habanero chili the night before you have to drag some fat f*** all over the globe!"
Wir wishen Sie ein merry isst mich!
Wir wishen Sie ein merry isst mich!
Wir wishen Sie ein merry isst mich!
Und ein happy neu Jahre!
you little faggots are my kind of folk...
Here's a line from one my grandpappy used to spin:
Have yourself a merry little gerbil
Make the yuletide gay!
From then on It shudders and wiggles all the way!
...don we now our gay apparel
fa-la-la
la-la-la
la la la
crotchless chaps to make me sterile
fa-la-la-la-la
la la la la...
Up on the housetop, reindeer pause
Out pops Jacko's kiddie pop!
Down through the poop shoot with lots of lube
All for the little boys Christmas joys!
Ho Ho Ho, who wouldn't go?
Ho Ho Ho, who wouldn't go?
Up on the housetop, slick, slick, slick!
Down through the poop shoot with Jack-o's ****!
My d*** doesn't care
(Baby, it's cold outside)
It's just unaware
(Baby, it's cold outside)
I just had to go
In unison:
Wrote my name in the sno-o-o-ow!
sung to carol of the bells
We will not write
We will not write
We will not write
We will not write
Add bass:
Dumb, Dumb, Dumb, Dumb
(****! I just wrote...dammit...)
(double****! I did it again...)
(previously unreleased)
boom tra lacka
sh*t! fa la la
um bop baby wow uh na na
slim pickety SPLACK
Santa RAAAAAWKKKKKSSS!
bad ass ate my sistahs cookies, pow!
rudolph ****ed the neighbors cat..
meow, MEAAAAATCH! BAM!
CHRISTMAS TIME!
Merry Christmas f*****s!
Wango Tango Eat me some p***y!
Merry ******* Christmas you ****** ********!!!!
[guitar solo]
...so to honor him I sit on his junk,
then I j*** off....
Jolly Old Ahmadinejad
Lean your shaft this way
Don't you tell a single soul
That you and I are gay!
Michael Moore is coming soon
look now and see e-jac
Whisper what you'll do with me
fist me if you can!
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