A closed head injury
“A Dummy’s Guide to Infidelity” by David Letterman (with Foreword by Tiger Woods)
“Soldier or Anteater” NFL locker room hidden camera guessing game
Frat Party Simulator (pay the extra for the projectile vomit sprayer)
Cleveland Browns season tickets (the deals on these keep getting better)
Petrified smegma
An electric balloon
Earwax statue of Millard Fillmore (get started early on this one)
Barbed wire jockstrap (unsalted)
Backhoe contingency lair spotters fresh off the highway of lust
Hemorrhoid glitter
A subscription to Lincoln’s Trombone
04 December 2009
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